Friday, August 31, 2007

Anger Therapy

Cool down........control your temper! This has been my self-talk line for the past few weeks. I need to release the negative energy somewhere so I decided to vent it through my blog. If not, I think I will suffer from internal bleeding.

If plotting the temperature of boiling blood on a chart for the past 27 years, the peak was during my secondary school days....gone down during poly days....went up during initial years of working....down and up again.

I began to learn to manage my anger in some ways. Though some of them are wierd, they are rather useful. They are:
1) Go to a room where no one can see you. Jump and jump till you feel very tired. Then you find yourself not so angry at that particular person.
2) Go to the restroom and use your leg to bang/ slam the door damn hard.
3) Go jogging. Run like the roadrunner...as fast as you can. Disclaimer: I shall not be responsible for any risk you undertake here.
4) Go to a quiet corner of the beach and shout as loud as you can till you feel better.
5) Drink lots and lots of cold water.

Two days ago, I was going home with a super explosive mood. A guy nearly closed the lift door straight into my face. Luckily I got in fast. I stared at him angrily. There was no apology and not even an apologetic look. Blood started boiling within me. My mind was already imagining me kicking him in the lift.

When the lift opened, I went out first. When I climbed up the stairs, I vented all my anger to my heels, making damn loud noise. That stupid guy looked at me. I gave him the look of "if you look somemore, my heels will land on your ugly face!"

After I cooled down, I was rather amused by my own doing.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Headless monster

Since I started this new job, my heart has been playing tug-of-war. I clearly knew that I did not follow my heart when making this decision. I have made the choice to feel logically correct.

Every day on my way to work, the angel and devil are actively fighting in my mind.

Angel: Try it. If you succeed, you will gain a very good exposure and portfolio.
Devil: You can guess what is the culture like. Why do you want to let history repeat again?
Angel: Property market is good. Maybe it is a good opportunity.
Devil: But you are not interested in residential property. Why do you have to force yourself?
Angel: Since you cannot find your ideal job in the fashion industry, take this challenge and at least it provides a source of income.
Devil: If you quit again, it reflects very badly in your resume.
Angel: It is a challenge. It gives you more room to use your talent.
Devil: If the culture is like that, do you think you have the power to change it or the bosses' idea? Do you want to work like a slave, always depending on bosses' unpredictable liking?

The above conversation kept playing in my mind. Slowly I got to understand the culture a bit better. Damnnnnnn......it is a headless monster!!! No direction! Fickle-minded! Conservative!

Today I am SUPER PISSEDDDDDDDD!!!!! There was no direction given in terms of the theme of the interior design. I asked the team for more information about the property and theme. My boss was telling me that there was no theme and went ahead briefed the agency. So I came out of some ideas to brief the agencies. The agencies reverted with the designs. I then presented to the GM. GM has chosen a design which I would never have chosen. So I quickly worked on it as I have a very tight timeline. I even asked my boss if they would need to go though the higher management. No.

Suddenly, my boss came to me and ask me to present to the CEO. I was surprised as I had asked the agency to go ahead and make some changes.

Guess what??? The CEO wanted 4 agencies to re-propose the designs and wanted something more clean and simple. I nearly killed myself when I heard this. WHY WAS THE DIRECTION NOT EVEN EARLIER? I brought up the concern on the timeline. However he insisted that we hadenough time. I was extremely furious.

I immediately called all the agencies. I think the agencies must be wondering, "WHY IS THE DIRECTION NOT EVEN EARLIER?".

I am thinking "FXXX, what the hell are you all doing? Do you understand concepts? Or do you based on your so-called taste?" Someone, pls save me. Find me a new job!!!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sentenced to life imprisonment

Most of us live outside the prison but some of our minds are locked inside the prison.

Recently I know a person who lived under the mercy of others. I could see how miserable his life was. However I doubted he knew that he was living in his own mind prison. When I talked to him about his opinions, he did not seem to have a standpoint and would repeat many times that "Do whatever the boss likes". Initially I was surprised at his words.

I was thinking, "Do power withdraw your ability to voice out? Do you have to swallow your pride when someone spit at you? Why do you have to act like a puppet, moving under the fingers of the holder? Why do you view your job as a mean of living and not a passion? Do you feel lost when you don't know what your boss is thinking? Will working under such culture make you feel happy?" Many questions popped out in my head. I feel angry and sorry for him.

I will never allow myself to fall under that mind trap. If not, no one but you have sentenced yourself life imprisonment.