Forgive and forget

Recently, a colleague J passed away due to cancer. I felt heavy even though I was not close to her. I got to know J through my ex-lunch kakis. She used to travel with me and the group to Cambodia for the missionary trip in Feb 2007.

Months ago, J requested to add me as a friend in facebook but I rejected. I felt that she was a selfish person and I did not want a friend like that. However when news of her passing spread, I felt a sense of regret.

Perhaps I should learn to forgive and forget.

Don't remind me of Valentine's Day

I had a super busy and tiring day. Screamed too much at agency till my voice is hoarse. I have met many people. Glad that I have made some contacts. I feel so relieved that the event is over.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. I have never celebrated Valentine's Day. Virgin Valentine Day still available hahahah...coz the first relationship ended before that. On this day, I never like to go out. Seeing other ladies carrying flowers make me envious and jealous.

The happiest Valentine's Day I had was when I worked in a florist at Tampines Mall many years ago. I enjoyed seeing those guys coming to buy and send flowers to their loved one. I can felt that love was in the air. I could see that they are excited and happy to meet their date.

Ironically, I feel lucky that I am kept busy tomorrow. I will be out working and then going to boss's wedding. So that I have an excuse that I have no time to celebrate Valentine's Day. A sour feeling I guess.

Unsung hero - Insult or Praise?

I first learnt of the term "Unsung hero" in American idol and William Hung got that title. When the company gives the title as a reward to a colleague of mine. I felt happy yet angry for her. Why? Happy that she got her recognition after hard work. Angry with why the award was named "Unsung hero".

Is it because it is given to staff of lower rank only? Is it because the work done is considered easy? I will never want to receive such award as I feel that it is an insult to my pride and hard work. Why go managers get to receive platinum, gold and silver award while admin staff have to receive "Unsung hero" award? If "Unsung hero" award is given to me, I will tear it into pieces as I do not want it to remind me of the discrimination.

HR, I think you badly need to revamp the title of the award as you are promoting discrimination and biases.

Edge of Mental Capacity

I have not been blogging since November. I guess because I was too tied up with work and sick with complaining. At some point, I even feel that I am going to go crazy..with speeding heart beats, anxiety and chest pain. I constantly reminded myself to stay positive.

Thanks for my lunch kakis who are always there to listen and bear with my "cow bei cow pu" stories. I feel like a coward at times escaping responsibility and constantly escaping reality through eating and grumbling. This is very unhealthy.

When I encountered a conflict with a close colleague, I felt sad and disheartened. I hope the relationship will not sour further. However I already started to feel that we have drifted apart since I left the company more than 1 year back.

I guess I need to relax and let go. Today I woke up, thinking that it was Monday and was full of fear. Sigh...